Too Soon Old and Too Late Smart

I went to Mayo yesterday with my good friend, Sherrie Richey. We met with a young, east Indian woman who was a "fellow" working with my Dr. Okuno. She was very articulate. We both were taken aback by how tiny and young she was. We figured early 30s.

Then I got to thinking. Why is it that so many people do not make wise choices in their youth and have a hard time getting it and getting it right? I see so many people (and I was one of them) who are in their thirties and they haven't gotten anywhere. Their lives are a series of start ups but no finishes.

There are some (like this doctor) who must have gotten it. Go to school. Get your degree. Go on and get your Masters or go to Law School or be a doctor. But no. That is too long and too hard. But we, as adults who have lived a few years understand that the time goes quickly and you are going to be 30 one day anyway, why not be thirty and successful.

Partying as a detour. I also have seen kids get into a school situation and they let themselves run amock. They party too much and do not study. There is not balance in their lives. If a kid can go to school and balance fun with class and studies, then I think they are very successful young people who are getting it at an early age.

I have looked around and noticed how some people never get it. They go through their life and never have a steady job. Longevity is something NOT apparent on their resume. I call this frittering away your life trying to find the perfect fit that never comes.

There is also an interesting phenomenon I have observed. It's like this joke.........a guy is in a flood and he is standing on his roof. He prays out to God to save him. A guy comes by on a boat and asks him if he needs a ride, he says no. Then a guy in a canoe comes by and asks if he can get him out of there.....nope, God is going to save me. Finally the river rises and the guy drowns. In heaven he asks God, "God I thought you were going to save me!" God says I SENT A BOAT AND A CANOE TO GET YOU OUT!!!

I have a friend who is waiting for God to tell him what to do. I gave him some advise and he wasn't quick to take it. He said something like, "well that seems like the obvious thing to do but I don't want to jump on it because it is obvious." Then I wonder if he had prayed and God sent him my way to give him a nudge and he didn't take it? I only say that because God told me he needed to be friends with a certain guy and I told him and he didn't act on it.....then through some other events he became that guys best friend........hmmmm.........they might have met earlier if he had taken my advise.

My mom always says, "too soon old and too late smart." I know this because I am older and wiser. I wanted to exercise early on but was chastised about it being selfish and what would the employees at Wellspring think if I came in an hour later than usual. Now I know that that wouldn't have mattered to anyone but the person who thought it might. I would have been more physically fit and probably less sick at this time. Excercise is healthy. Eating right is healthy. It is not being self centered to take time for yourself to be healthy. Also just taking ME time. Pedicures. Massages. Movies. Eating out. Doing what you want to do. Mothers so often become caretakers of everyone else and never take care of themselves.

It all takes discipline. It takes a plan. You have to know where you wanna go, how you are going to get there and then take the steps necessary to work your plan. It is important to me now to have all the cards on the table. I cannot guess what my future holds, I need to know so I can plan accordingly. Even if I live another 30 years, I have to plan like I won't. I have to get my ducks in a row and do it right.

Everyone should do that. Young AND old. But especially young. If you dream a dream and then take the necessary steps to live it you can get your dream!! If you always wanted to be an actor than try out for a part at the playhouse. Study it in school. Move to New York. Try out for plays and soap operas and commercials. Don't sit in Des Moines, Iowa and wish you were an actor.....it doesn't work that way. Take the steps.

So kids in your thirties.......you are still young. Don't be too soon old and too late smart. Talk to your spouse. Make a plan. What is it going to take to move your family from here to where you want it to be? Does the wife have to step up while the husband finishes some schooling? or visa versa? Do what it takes to make something of your life. And when you get a job.....STAY!! Get some seniority....it looks good on a resume. Volunteer. That looks good on a resume!!

Go for it so you don't live with regret. You will be respected more and you will respect yourself as well!

My Benefit From My Perspective

It was so much fun.

At first I got there and it really was set up like a benefit. There was a table of donated items for a silent auction. Gift Certificates, Computers, a fabulous painting of my father, gift baskets, a guitar from Styx!! It was so cool.

So everyone was eating BBQ and Mary was calling numbers for raffles. They had so many donations.....

Then we watched this awesome DVD of pics from my life. Mary sat next to me and I pretty much cried the whole time!! Some pics I hadn't seen before!! Mary and I in Hawaii when we were in our early 20s!!

I was overwhelmed!! It was like a high school reunion, a church reunion, friends from Des Moines, people I didn't know. A mixed bag of people!! All there to help me!

Then the band started. For a minute it was like they were interrupting the benefit. Some people left or moved outside so they could continue to talk. But all of a sudden the benefit turned into a party!! People were partying hard!!!! The band was great!!

Don't know how I did it but I stayed until after 1 am!! I was lip syncing Purple Haze by Jimmy Hendrix and my mom said, "You KNOW this song?" My mom was a trooper, too. I mean this turned into a regular party......I think the owner of the bar was probably pretty pleased because people were really buying lots of drinks!!! I had several glasses of water and a couple Diet Cokes!!!!

Todd and the lead singer came down and sang me a Lynyrd Synryd song!! That was so cool!! Todd was running around the crowd playing the guitar!! Jeff wants to go back to Omaha and see the band again when they play around town!! I think Jeff likes my high school buddies!!

They raised a lot of money for my cause!! Thanks so much because I am waiting for disability to kick in and the doctor bills are coming in faster than I can keep track of them. I have had to stay at hotels several times and that is always at least $100 per night!!

I also was very happy that Mary and Todd made an effort to inform people of leiomyosarcoma....that is the kind of cancer I have and it is so rare!! I think they did a good job of raising awareness!!!

Experiencing an outpouring which I cannot fathom

"So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7). ...

I have always thought of this verse in light of tithing. Giving to the church.

But lately as I watch my friends work so long and hard on my behalf it dawned on me............they are putting on this benefit cheerfully. They WANT to do something nice for me. They don't do it grudgingly at all............or out of necessity............they do it because they care for me.

I don't care if I get a penny. It is the heart with which they give which blows me away. They want nothing in return. There are no strings attached. They are not doing it because it is their "duty."

They are doing it because they care.

WOW!!

Here's another small world story from my youth

Right after high school I went to the University of Nebraska at Lincoln. I lived there one semester.

The girl next door (Cindy Lou) and I hit it off. We had so much fun together!!

She pointed out this gorgeous guy that was probably pledged by THE best fraternity. He was a model. We saw his picture in local ads, etc. We stalked him. Whenever we would see him we would follow him, oooh and ahhh over him. He was knocked down dragged out gorgeous!!

Of course, he had no idea we existed.

That Christmas our family and a few others went to Hawaii. Me and the other teenagers went to Spago disco one night. Guess who was there? The model from Lincoln!!

I went up to him and asked him if he was from Nebraska. His answer? I suppose you wanna dance? So we danced.

I walked off the dance floor and chuckled to myself, "I wish Cindy Lou was here!"

Keep You Eyes Open For People In Need

When I was a young mother, just divorced I don't think people saw how much I was in need of help.

Meanwhile my grandmother would go to my aunt's house and clean her house and do laundry. She would go to my mom's house and clean her house.

I was a single parent of three young children. My youngest had autism. I was basically broke. I always had more month than money and never any extra money. I had to work everyday so I didn't have time to keep my house clean. I barely had enough time to mow the lawn, do the laundry and keep the dishes up. The girls' rooms were pits. There was dust on all the furniture. The floors were dirty. Things were unorganized. I was sinking and no one offered to lend a helping hand. I lay in bed for months in a state of depression. I was still expected to be all things to all people.

I would get birthday cards from my gram which always included how hard my mom had it. I could never understand how she could state something so wrong to the person who actually had it hard.

Now I understand my gram doesn't eat well. I think she thinks groceries are expensive and she may be afraid of driving. So she goes without food and no one takes a bag full of groceries to her.

Courtney and I talked about it and are going to go to the store and fill her fridge and pantry with frozen meals and soups.

People don't seem to realize how much they could help people in times of need.

I am so blessed to have some wonderful friends from my hometown of Bellevue, Nebraska who are putting on a benefit for me to help with medical and personal expenses. This is the first time in my life I have felt the love and care from people in my time of need.

I just want to remind everyone that sometimes people need people. Get your benevolent antennas up and it will be easy to find people who need something. Sometimes it is just a hug and the validation that they are doing a great job with their life, family, job.

Sometimes people could use clothes, food, money. See if God lays someone on your heart. I promise you, your benevolence will be appreciated!!!

It's a Small World

One day within the last year I couldn't sleep. I started thinking back to my days at church camp in Lexington, Nebraska.

Each summer me and the rest of the youth group at church would make the pilgrimage to the Assembly of God Church Camp in Lexington. Although it was supposed to be a spiritual week (and for the most part it was) it was more a "find a boyfriend camp."

Each year I had my eye on this guy named Julius Corder. He had dark skin. I found out later he was Native American. One year he liked me. The next year he liked this girl Denise. The next year he liked me. He gave me his school picture and to this day I have it in a photo album.

After high school my dad told me a guy with the last name of Money called. I figured out later it was Julius. My dad mistaking Corder for Quarter. I never saw him again.

So in the middle of the night I couldn't sleep so I started googling people from church camp. When I googled Julius I immediately got an obituary with the same school picture he gave me at church camp.

But that is not the small world thing.

It said in his obituary he was an actor and that he played Richard Yellow Hawk in the movie Thunderheart. What makes that so interesting is that the movie Thunderheart was based on a true story and is one of my brother's favorite movies. I had even seen it before but hadn't recognized Julius. I downloaded the movie and watched it and sure enough, there was my church camp boyfriend, Julius Corder (who had changed his name to Julius Drum.)

He died a couple years ago of diabetes.

Life is not fair

There are several things that are not fair.

Going through a divorce is not fair. You get married and have kids with hopes of a future that will last a lifetime. You see these couples celebrating their 50th and 60th wedding anniversaries and wonder what got them there?

Usually there is one person in the relationship who has it. I think this can be a process of months and years. Sometimes the other person's life has the rug pulled out from under it. They didn't even know anything was wrong!

Do you fall out of love? Do you start to hate and despise? Is the alternative better? Sometimes I think it is a source of control. If the spouse does not do what you want then you leave.

Another thing that is not fair. Church Splits. School Splits.

I was attending First Church of the Open Bible. For some reason the Board hired a man who was a very good preacher on paper (and he was for HIS denomination) but not a good fit for the church. Problems started immediately. But what the problem was were MEN who could not accept that THEY were wrong. They dug in their heels and would NOT hear anything anyone was saying. The church divided, split and it was ugly. Now you go to that church and you wouldn't know it was the same church. You go to New Hope Assembly of God and you might recognize a bit of First Church......half the people who were not heard at First Church ended up there.

Same thing during the Des Moines Christian School split. The board decided in the middle of the school year to fire the principal and the superintendent. Well the association had a fit and voted the Board off and the Board wouldn't leave!! It was another example of MAN thinking they were beyond reproach and how dare anyone else question them? They dug their heels in and Iowa Christian Academy was born.

Why is it that so many people will not accept that they could EVER be wrong?

I have had the same situation with other people. No matter what I said, I could not convince this person that they were wrong EVER. So I finally (after years and years and years) stopped trying. Why continue to beat your head against a brick wall. Eventually the hurt should teach you!!

As I reread this blog I realized..........it is about control. I'll show you. I am in control. However, this attitude rarely gets you anywhere and it might be a good day to say to yourself. "Self?" "You are not in control! Get over yourself!"

Ashlee

I got to thinking about age. Sometime in your life you will be twice as old as someone else.

When I was born my Grandma was 45. So when I was 45, she was 90 and twice as old as I.

A couple of days ago Ashlee Sharp turned 25. I am twice as old as she.

I met this young woman when she was three. She lived next door to us. She poked her head in our front door and said, "Is there anyone here that can play?" So I let my toddler, Courtney play with her. Court was almost two.

I guess that is why Courtney has always been somewhat mature. She started out playing with three year olds. She and Ashlee and Kelli Jean all played together. Kelli Jean's mom would send Courtney home for biting Kelli.

Courtney and Ashley grew up together. They have so many shared memories - they will always have a special bond.

Kind of like the people who are throwing me this benefit. I knew these people when we were kids. We grew up in Bellevue, Nebraska and we have shared childhood memories. There is something about knowing someone when you were kids. You can see each other after years and years and years and it is as if you never had time separating you!!

So Ashlee? (Or as Baby Chelsea would call you, "Hashee.") Happy Birthday. A quarter of a century is long enough to know better!! You are like one of my kids and I love you!!!

Mean Old People

All my friends seem to like Jimmy John's. My mom and I had one up at Mayo and everything was wonderful except the mayo. Oil and eggs.......yuck...

So today I made my way to the new Johnston Jimmy John's to try it out - sans Mayo.

The place was packed. In front of my was this old guy. He stormed out the door. The kids behind the counter were yelling after him......"Sir? Do you still want your sandwich?" His mortified wife came back in and took the sandwich.

I asked, "Was he mad?" They told me he was.

Then I got to thinking. Why is it old people tend to get crotchety? This business was brand new. They had about 15 people behind the counter trying to keep up with the crowds. I figure, give 'em a break.....it's a new business. But no, this old fart had to rain on their parade.

Maybe it is a good thing I might not make it to a ripe old age. I just cannot imagine being a negative old person!!

Clogging the Facebook Newsfeed

At the urging of both my daughters, Courtney and Chelsea, I have decided to start a blog.

Daily I write notes on whatever I seem to be thinking and I guess I clog the facebook newsfeed!!

I have so much to say and I spend so much time in bed recuperating from the latest bout of chemo that I have decided to start a blog...............so here goes!!!!

Ramblings from someone registered as an Independent

I have been exposed to an extremely left wing liberal democrat. I have never really known one up close and personal. I think I was appalled at all the name calling and Republican bashing. I admit I have always leaned a little right so I will say that up front. I also am kind of a jokester but got a rude awakening when I commented on this person's facebook page. Mostly funny things but they didn't take it that way. First. They put a little blurb on their wall on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I simply commented......Martin Luther King was a Republican!!!! The comment set a feeding frenzy amongst their friends. Who is this Maigaard person? How dare she say something like that? What? You have got to be kidding me. Then there was a discussion on their wall about the Canadian Health Care system. I commented that Jeff and I talked to a man from Canada who loved their health care system. I got a message from this person that asked me to NEVER comment on their wall again. What? You are kidding again, right? I was AGREEING with you. They told me they didn't agree with us "republicans" and also could not understand my religious beliefs. I didn't understand that either because I am registered Independent and I have never EVER talked with this person about my religion views. So this is what I think about most democrats. They think they are right. You cannot disagree with them. They think you are stupid and you cannot joke about politics. On another note. I have a lot of Republican friends. However, sometimes the Republicans can be just as bad. Examples. I see so many anti-Obama people who will pick up on any little thing he does and lambast him. Look!! He bowed to an Arab!!! Look!! He's a Muslim! Look He's weak.....he's evil........it's his fault the economy is where it is today!!! Republicans are looking for any thing he says to analyze for hidden meanings and agendas. So what's so wrong with heathcare reform?? If someone in this country had my type of cancer and they didn't have insurance? Screwed!!! Why can't we make it so the insurance companies are not the ones in power? Why did they deny me a PET scan three times before they finally said ok. But I guess the bigger question is why does it cost $5000 to get a PET scan? Why does my Neulasta shot cost $3500. It is a little syringe of medicine. Does it come from Antartica so it is hard to get? Oh, I have to pay for research? OK> Let's see. I totally think the illegals need to get out!! Come to America the right way, pay taxes and you can stay. And learn English!!! I no longer want to have to choose between English and Spanish on the phone systems......ATMs I agree. Super rich people......ok, pay a little more. But half of your income!!?? Be real!! And this is my super irk!! People who have the best cell phones. Live in a nice home. Drive nice cars. Both parents are not working so they get food stamps and other subsidies. Work people. Work. Our country cannot afford to pay people who choose not to work. We have so many more things to worry about then paying people who work the system.

Examples of how STUPID procrastination can be.....

I have two digital cable boxes. Originally I had it in Chloe's bedroom because we figured if she had good television in her room, she would be less likely to take over the rest of the house like she did on Highland Oaks Drive. When Courtney got married, Chloe moved to her room and Chloe's room has become a dump all. Our intent is to go through everything, get rid of stuff and make it an office/tv room. So today I decided to move the digital cable into our room. It has sat in the other room untouched and unused for a good year........but we still paid for it month in and month out. So I decided to move it into our room. 15 minutes later we have a fully functioning digital cable tv in our room. For months we have been missing out on movies and extra channels and a tv guide so we can see what is on. THAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW STUPID PROCRASTINATION IS!

Why you should always be KIND to people

A couple of days ago I was going to put as my Status something like this........... For those of you who want to be mean or sarcastic to my girls, I want you to think about this before you do. Their Papa died six months ago and their mama is undergoing some wicked cancer treatment. They may seem alright but I know they have lots of stress on them.....so be kind. Then I got to thinking. I wonder what everyone is going through? Maybe someone has been laid off from a job. Maybe someone is going through a difficult separation. Maybe someone had someone embezzle a fortune from their business. Maybe someone doesn't have enough money. Maybe someone just got diagnosed with an illness. Maybe someone got bullied online. Maybe someone works for a tyrannt. Maybe someone's car broke down or they are late for an appointment or they are fat and ugly!!! It doesn't matter!! We are all dealing with something so everyone!!! BE KIND!!

Chronicles of Cancer and Mayo

Got back from my second trip to Mayo for chemo. The world's greatest invention?? The Porto Cath.This is awesome. They put this port under my skin on my right chest, above my breast. If you have ever seen someone with a pacemaker, it looks kinda like that.So I got it about a week ago and I went to have a blood draw. She sticks a needle in the port and I felt NOTHING!!!! Nothing!! No more sticking me in the vein!! Then I had chemo. Same thing. I saw her coming at me with a needle and I got anxious. Poke. NOTHING!!! No more IVs!!!!!!!!!So I got to thinking about all this cancer stuff. I like having young doctors? Why?? Here is an example.I went to Iowa City to have a needle biopsy of my liver. They wanted to see if the spots on my liver were cancerous. The gal brought me into a room to tell me what they were going to do. She talked of sticking a very long needle between my ribs. I would be wide awake. Then they would wiggle the needle around to try to get some cells. If that didn't work then they would have to put a huge needle in me that would snip off some tissue.Well after hearing some of this I had a bonafide panic attack. My blood pressure went up and I had to lay down. I thought I would throw up. My sister in law, who is an oncology nurse, asked them to give me an Adivan (a newer version of Valium.....) They said yes. So I went to the waiting room and then came to get me and told me the doctor said, "She doesn't need an Adivan, I have done thousands of these!!!"So they wheel me in and guess who comes in? This old doctor. Definitely old school. Tough it out!! You can do it!! You don't need to cloud your mind with drugs!!Give me a young person who will give me the Adivan so I can soar through this kind of scary procedure with a little piece of mind!!!Mayo gave me a prescription for this......I will definitely be taking this on my next flight!!!!!
Written on Thursday · Comment ·LikeUnlike

Our lives as a game of Chess

Disclaimer: I have NEVER played a game of Chess in my life. As I was drifting off to sleep last night I had an image of a chessboard. I was thinking of Chelsea specifically but it goes for all of us. Each period in our lives we make moves. People in our lives make counter moves. We all move around the chessboard making moves based on others' moves. So I thought to myself, "I wonder if Chelsea had made a different move here in this time of her life, if things would have turned out different, better?" Or if someone had countermoved to her different move and the outcome would look so much better - or Worse!! Then I got to thinking about my life. When you are playing out your chess game, it is harder to see how your moves are working for and against you because you are on the board. Others are looking at your game from the side. Do they have a better vantage point from there?? If you had made a move based on their vantage point would your life be better? If you did then would it be your life?? Or theirs? So many times in my life I have made stupid or impulsive decisions. I know my mom sat on the sideline and wished she could have jumped in the game and made the move for me. Did I make the impulsive move to spite her? Did I "countermove" before the move because of her?? It made me think that as hard as it is we need to let others play their game. We can give advise if asked but everyone has to make their own moves. It hurts to watch people make stupid moves but hopefully in the end, they will become a better person for it. And less likely to make those "countermoves" before the move.

Why RELIGION IS A BAD WORD

There were two things that happened to me that blew everything I was taught about "religion" out the window. As a child I was raised in Open Bible and Assembly of God. Not that these two denominations are bad. I would say that I was somehow "brainwashed" into thinking the way we thought was the only way to think. I didn't know why but I really didn't think Catholics were Christians at all. Most of my biases were in the Christian realm. I didn't for a minute think about any other religions. Just Christian. I thought Methodists and Lutherans just played church. Too much litergy. I thought Catholics had too many stand ups, sit downs, kneels. So my kids started attending Des Moines Christian School. This was my first awakening. I would read through the directory and notice which church each family went to. Over the years I befriended different parents and found them to be sensible, articulate "christians" even though they didn't go to my church. Then we decided to buy a Christian Bookstore. Over the years we have had employees from the following denominations. Open Bible, Assembly of God, E Free, Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Nondenominational.... I realized that we all had something in common. God through Jesus Christ. That was about it. Yes, we all had different beliefs as far as how we practiced our "religion" but we didn't argue the little details.....we honored each others similarities. Now I practice reverse judgmentalism.............that's my own term... :) I now am judgmental about people who are judgmental. Do not put your beliefs on me and expect me to think exactly like you do. Forget the word religion. Religion is about war and differences and rules and regulations. Try to do the right thing. If you sin, ask for forgiveness but mean it. Pray often and always. A running dialogue with God is a daily comfort. If you have a few bumps in the road, you need to ask God for direction. I do not believe you are damned to hell for making bad choices occasionally. Love people. Forgive people. Be nice to people. I love you all and ask that God through Jesus Christ Bless you and keep you on this beautiful Spring day!

How your life changes

For so long I lost myself. I didn't get to be me. I was somebody's daughter or somebody's mother. Courtney told me I am so much more "cool" than I was when she was young. I told her I couldn't be "cool" when they were young, I had to be a parent. But then I got to thinking about it. I couldn't let my kids trick or treat because what would the other parents think? I couldn't have a glass of wine because what would people think? I couldn't be myself because myself was not acceptable to those people who I allowed to run my life. When my friends in Bellevue decided to throw me a benefit, I realized it. These people love me for me. They didn't know me as Bev and Bill Channell's daughter. They didn't know me as Courtney, Chelsea and Chloe's mother. They knew me back in the day when I was me. The real Kelly. The outgoing, talkative, funny, irreverant, life of the party, crazy, passionate, silly, outspoken girl. The tall girl they called Big Bird. The girl who drove a Pacer. The stupid girl who made oh so many mistakes but they loved me regardless of the bad decisions I made. For years I felt like I was being held under water and unable to breath. I was only let up for air if I agreed to march to another person's drum. So now I have cancer and it doesn't look so good. My only hope is a scientific breakthrough, a touch from God, or that the supplements I am taking work. I am taking a load of supplements. The newest thing I am going to try is to take four tablespoons of pureed asparagus twice a day!! So what would I say to young people starting out? One thing for sure. Be yourself. Be the very best YOU you can be. Do not depend on other people. Strive to be self supporting at a young age. Do not wait for a hand out. Do it yourself. When you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don't abuse drugs and alcohol. Don't eat things that are not good for you. Take time to exercise every single day. Don't live for the approval of people who are incapable of giving it to you. Don't allow people to define who you are. Don't stay in a relationship where you feel you need to walk on eggshells around the other person. Do not allow angry people in your life. If you have to keep secrets from people then they are probably not the people you need to be around. If you feel you cannot say the things that are on your mind around certain people than maybe you should not associate with those people. Choose to be your authentic self. Choose to be the person that God made you to be, not the person that someone else wants you to be.