Saturday, April 10, 2010
How your life changes
For so long I lost myself. I didn't get to be me. I was somebody's daughter or somebody's mother. Courtney told me I am so much more "cool" than I was when she was young. I told her I couldn't be "cool" when they were young, I had to be a parent. But then I got to thinking about it. I couldn't let my kids trick or treat because what would the other parents think? I couldn't have a glass of wine because what would people think? I couldn't be myself because myself was not acceptable to those people who I allowed to run my life. When my friends in Bellevue decided to throw me a benefit, I realized it. These people love me for me. They didn't know me as Bev and Bill Channell's daughter. They didn't know me as Courtney, Chelsea and Chloe's mother. They knew me back in the day when I was me. The real Kelly. The outgoing, talkative, funny, irreverant, life of the party, crazy, passionate, silly, outspoken girl. The tall girl they called Big Bird. The girl who drove a Pacer. The stupid girl who made oh so many mistakes but they loved me regardless of the bad decisions I made. For years I felt like I was being held under water and unable to breath. I was only let up for air if I agreed to march to another person's drum. So now I have cancer and it doesn't look so good. My only hope is a scientific breakthrough, a touch from God, or that the supplements I am taking work. I am taking a load of supplements. The newest thing I am going to try is to take four tablespoons of pureed asparagus twice a day!! So what would I say to young people starting out? One thing for sure. Be yourself. Be the very best YOU you can be. Do not depend on other people. Strive to be self supporting at a young age. Do not wait for a hand out. Do it yourself. When you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don't abuse drugs and alcohol. Don't eat things that are not good for you. Take time to exercise every single day. Don't live for the approval of people who are incapable of giving it to you. Don't allow people to define who you are. Don't stay in a relationship where you feel you need to walk on eggshells around the other person. Do not allow angry people in your life. If you have to keep secrets from people then they are probably not the people you need to be around. If you feel you cannot say the things that are on your mind around certain people than maybe you should not associate with those people. Choose to be your authentic self. Choose to be the person that God made you to be, not the person that someone else wants you to be.